Perchance to Dream

18 February 2019

I had a dream this morning. But I’m not sure if I should call it a nightmare.

It was about him. As almost all of my dreams, this was based on a real incident that I kept thinking about the day before. And after I went to sleep, as usual, I dreamt of a similar imaginary incident. 

I was in some safari truck or jeep with several others, and him. But it didn’t feel like we were doing anything fun, because everyone was very somber and serious. 

So, when the jeep stopped each of us had to get down, and I was wearing some sort of a long and flowy dress or skirt which made it difficult to get down. By this time he had got down and was standing by the truck, so I just touched his arm in support, to get down. I touched him once and let go, then adjusted my dress again and held on to his arm, and he held his arm out for me to hold on to for support, until I got down.

That’s all really. 

But I feel this dream just goes to show my increasingly strong desire to find someone strong and dependable who I can rely on, when I can’t seem to go on by myself; some reliable support in my life. A man.

And I have convinced myself that he is the man I need, who is dependable and strong.

This is what longing, coupled with extensive reading of articles on modern take on Jane Austen’s fictional men do to your mind, enhanced by the 24-year old hormonal concoction urging for an interaction with the opposite sex.

Too bad that it’ll remain a dream.

5 March 2019

I am writing this several days after this dream, so I have forgotten the details of it. Basically this was one where I was a thief. I remember seeing that there was exactly Rs. 150 000, maybe it was a cheque or an an envelope full of that exact amount, I can't remember exactly now. However, I stole that sum of money and felt that I was badly in need of it. Also with the money was a keytag with the coloured circles of the Olympic logo. I remember that at the time of taking this money too I debated with myself whether I should really take it, and afterwards whether I should reveal of this fact to anyone and handover the money to an authority. I think in the end I confided in my sister, who was in turn livid to hear it and blasted at me and told of it to my mother. It's unclear in my memory what happenned in the end, but I remember feeling great relief at telling my sister, even though it made her mad.

Maybe I'm feeling guilty about something in my mind, and want it unburdened. God knows what though.

6 March 2019

This was more of a nightmare. Though this is more recent than the one described above, this one has faded away from my memory. Maybe this is telling of the fact that the above dream has made more of an impact on my mind than the present one. However I remember this dream being scary. I remember vague visuals of seeing a dead body, its face contorted and puffed up, as if he had been stung by some animal. But there was no blood and gore, yet it was unpleasant. I can't remember who else was present in this dream, but I remember there were several other people with me and we were working around the dead body. Still can't remember what exactly we were doing either. Oh well, it was not a very pleasant one for sure, most probably why it has slipped off my memory.